Would you go to bed with me?

Here’s the rub.

The rules of attraction can be extremely complex. Who you want to get between the sheets with is completely up to you but personally I’m drawn to a six-pack and a man bun. However, I’ve heard a great big fat tummy does it for some guys too. Which, when Guido looks at me naked, is probably just as well.

“Did you know that in a recent survey, 84% of gay men felt under intense pressure to have a terrific body?” I asked Guido yesterday morning.

We were still in bed at the time. It was almost 11.30 a.m. The sun had been up for hours and hours but our blinds were still resolutely pulled shut and I’d just energetically eaten a large bowl of Cocoa Pops. The milk was cold and chocolatey. I have to tell you I was in a sort of nirvana state. It could possibly have been called post-coital, but in a breakfast cereal sort of way.

”Only 1% felt fully satisfied with the way he looked,” I said slurping the last morsels from the bowl.

I knew which percentage point I belonged to.

I lay there admiring Guido’s gorgeous flat stomach. It’s very different from mine which resembles a small Alp. Guido’s ripples in a tight muscular formation which I could only ever dream of replicating, unless I underwent extensive liposuction. But the problem with cosmetic surgery is you get one thing done and it shows up your next defect. Then before you know it you’re hooked and looking like The Bride Of Wildenstein.

”I suppose it depends on what you consider to be a terrific body,” he said -throwing my statistical analysis into total confusion as usual.

”But would you go to bed with me?” I asked boldly.

There was a moment of silence.

”What do you mean, would I go to bed with you? – I AM in bed with you,” said Guido.

”Yes, but if we’d never met before and I was a totally random stranger with a protruding belly laying here naked on this here bed, would you want to get in it?”

I suddenly realised I had a milk moustache. Add that to the bed head hair and buttonless pyjama top I was wearing, boy, I must have looked hot. Guido was lucky to have me; what a catch.

”It’s not all about looks,” he said.

I chewed my nail. I wondered what Nick Jonas would say.

”What else is it about?”

”Personality you big dummy,” he said.

”Yeah, yeah,” I nodded, “of course – a personality. Fortunately mine is as disproportionately large as my waistline is.”

Guido put his arm around me.

”I like you just the way you are,” he said reassuringly. “Let me explain it this way, I can’t possibly imagine licking guacamole from between the toes of just any other guy.”

He had a point and it wasn’t only mashed avocado we had history with down there.

”Dont worry about statistics. There’s only one thing you need to know,” he said.

”What?”

“That I have terrific taste in men,” he said smiling.

It goes without saying, I naturally agreed.

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52 thoughts on “Would you go to bed with me?

  1. I already knew I loved you and Guido very much and this story is so sweet.

    But dear…”I can’t possibly imagine licking guacamole from between the toes of just any other guy”??? Please tell me this has health benefits????

    I think the maple syrup poured around something else sounds more fun.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. As usual I was getting wrapped up in your beautiful love story until…! Train wheels screeching on their tracks… screeeeeech! You lost me at licking toes. It’s no wonder gay men have body issues, every gay man wants a partner with a six pack while they don’t have one themselves. My last boyfriend had a little tummy, I liked the fact he had flaws, like a real person and not a mannequin or Ken doll.
    Everyone who reads this blog clearly sees why Guido loves you so hopefully you can too. Plus we all would sleep with you….. and Guido too….. at the same time!

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  3. Well there’s me and mine. We’re both big boys. He’s cute, he thinks I’m cute. Plus we have each have a personality that meshes well. I’m sure you’re familiar with the concept of shade. Well he’s an expert – I’m just a disciple of it.

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  4. It’s a good thing character counts. For those of us older guys, our testosterone has plummeted to the point where muscularity is nearly impossible. In a movie I recently saw, I noticed Captain America began as a small, skinny guy of great character: clever, persistent, brave.

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  5. You two are the luckiest couple. Neither of you have anything to worry about when it comes to physical appearances. I’ve taken a few barbs regarding my weight over the years from men who think physical appearance is everything. I’ve given them major shade back every time.

    I get it with the cosmetic surgery thing. I saw something on the news Friday night when I was at my father’s place. A woman in Los Angeles had her forehead reduced. When I saw the results, I disagreed with her. She thought it looked lovely. All I could see was her face was now too big for her head. I mean way freakish big. We’re talking Pink Floyd’s Division Bell album cover art big.

    That’s why I could never have my face go under the knife unless I did it to remove some hideous scar I acquired from a traumatic injury.

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  6. I have a long history of body image issues but I’ve learned to deal with them. No man is perfect. Even the ones we perceive as perfect have flaws. One has to look beyond the physical.

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  7. While I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t like to be in better shape, thinner, prettier, etc. I know I am not the only non-gym bodied guy who is happily partnered, so abs and muscles clearly aren’t the sole way to get someone onto bed. I know a charming personality can make someone more attractive, while a dismal one can’t be negated no matter how good the body might look.

    Your posts are charming.

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  8. I was married for a decade and a half before he died on me. Neither of us were trim and svelte – and that was fine. Here in LA I’d see men who were physical perfection – washboard abs, great musculature, blonde hair/blue eyes, tan……and then they’d open their mouths and all their pearls would fall out. Ummmmm NO!!!

    I had dinner and drinks tonight with a man who is Jamaican. He’s probably 5’9 and at least 250 lbs – and it’s NOT muscle. But that island accent…. Oh..my..fucking..God. I want to bed him down and service the hell out of him. And that’s because of who HE is. Not what he looks like. I have no idea what he’s packing and frankly I don’t care.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. My husband and I got together when we were 40. We are now 70. We were past our peak in looks. He was getting chubby. The first night we spent together he felt so good to hold. I had never experienced that with anyone else. I knew he was the one. Looks and body perfection had nothing to do with it.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. If anyone says anything about my tummy, I answer back and say ‘Yeah, but I’m having a great time.’ You get what you see, and we all see things differently. If two people connect, then enjoy it and have fun. Life’s too short (or so I’m told, but I’m not convinced).

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  11. I haven’t had the time or energy to look at a post, any post, for several weeks, but this one called out to me from the ether. It made me smile and I thank you for that precious gift which you so graciously share 💜 But do go easy on the sugar, I (and Guido) need you around for a very long time 😊😘

    Liked by 1 person

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