Guido and I spent Christmas at the farmhouse in Majorca. It was such a tonic to escape from the cold winter skies over London. It felt a little like Summer again. Guido would swim at the beach every morning and I’d wait for him at the Gran Café 1919. You can see the sea from there. And, as it turned out, it wasn’t the only thing to look at. The great thing about a warmer climate is, everybody takes more of their clothes off. You can probably guess where I’m going with this one.
Last Saturday morning I was quietly dipping an almond cookie into a cinnamon milk at the seafront. That’s when I clapped my eyes on an unexpectedly terrific set of biceps. They were sitting right next to me. They were bulging out from under the stitching of a white ribbed vest. It was one of those richly seminal moments in life which makes you put your glasses on. If I’d gotten out a measuring tape I reckon those beauties could’ve come close to the circumference of a generously proportioned Californian melon. It took all my self control not to reach out and check for ripeness. The best part of it all was they happened to be attached to a hairy arm with a barbed wire tattoo which belonged to a guy called Caleb. He had a dazzling smile. I didn’t know straight away Caleb was called Caleb. I only found that detail out when I struck up an utterly spontaneous conversation with him about his pancakes. That’s when I told him about the many varied and alternative uses possible for maple syrup. It certainly seemed to prick up his interest.
You’re probably thinking the premise of this whole post is based on my ongoing shallow objectification of men and their lithe torsos. And you’d be absolutely right. Some of you may think that’s wrong. Though I’m guessing your view could be skewed depending on what you do with maple syrup. Well, over the course of the following week I saw some terrific bodies. There’s too many to mention but here’s a stand-out few.
Carlos with the sizzling abdomen. Nils, from Sweden with by far the best washboard sexpack (his pronunciation not mine) this side of Stockholm. Mitch, who explained at great length to me about his overly developed pectoralis major. But, as it’s turned out, he’s never been able to achieve the same size with his pectoralis minor. Which has to be depressing for anyone. And finally; Miguel. The captain of a small local fishing boat. Here’s what I have to tell you about him. He had perfect buttocks. Outside the marina he showed me he had one leg marginally longer than the other. This could possibly explain why he walked like a penguin. Though it just goes to show if you’ve got a great ass nobody’s going to care much if you’re short of a few inches someplace else. There certainly appeared to be no anatomical reason for this to affect anything he did which involved a fish. Just in case you’re wondering.
But, I’m married. I only ever look at guys, never ever touch them. Thankfully I’m blessed with a husband I want to look at and touch. I just don’t think I’ve ever compared any of his muscles to a cantaloupe before.
I have no problem with you objectifying men and their lithe torsos whatsoever, in fact, it was a treat to read!!! 🙂
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I’ll see what I can do!
JP
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When you stop looking, you need to start worrying.
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That’s a great line David.
JP
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I LOVE looking at handsome sexy hairy menz! my spouse likes gazing upon the female form. but we are still together after 25 years. we both will stop looking after they close the coffin lid.
HNY 2018 to you and guido! smooches!
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Happy New Year to you and hubby too. I wish you health for 2018. Love to both xx
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You make me want to go to Majorca !!
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Book a flight kiddo! X
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Carlos and I both love to look, and make a joke out of it, but the touching is just for us.
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I bet your hand are all over each other.
JP
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I have always said two things. When I was “taken, I always said ” Just because I’m taken , doesn’t mean I can’t look. I’m not dead.” And when I was taken I still always took good care not to fiddle out of shape. ” Just because I’m married doesn’t mean I still shouldn’t keep the display case clean and shinning.” Of course this being said, I’m probably still single because Argentinean and Swede men get me into a lot of trouble.
A Happy New Year to you too!🎆🎉🎇✨🎈
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Call United Nations immediately!
Happy New Year MM. We love you.
JP&G
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Flesh.. it’s all only flesh!!!! But then flesh can be nice… very nice…. very very nice. Oh who the hell am I kidding flesh is great!
Happy New Year to all and sundry chez vous. And by the way do you have Miquel’s number? I could probably help him with that leg problem……
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London calling. Happy New Year to you and Larry.
JP x
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When I make my daily trek to the gym, there are many superbly well-built men to admire. Yet they seldom turn out to be the ones worth knowing long-term.
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Yeah I know what you mean – all good looking men have a defect. Obviously that’s why I’m perfect.
JP
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Nothing wrong with looking. Happy New Year!
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And to you too warrior. X
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Here’s to Majorca. Funnily written as usual and am glad you could feast your eyes. Happy New Year to you and Guido
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I raise a glass to you in Dubai. Keep writing your beautiful words.
JP
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Thank you Jean-Paul and likewise. A very happy New Year to you and Guido
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Nothing wrong with window shopping.
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I know. I look but I don’t always buy.
JP
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Majorca sounds like a wonderful place to spend a winter holiday. I say that there is nothing wrong in looking! And you got to talk about maple syrup!
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I can recommend it – we’ll, all of it.
JP
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I miss going to the beach. It’s been a while since I’ve been away. I love your descriptions of the men. Happy New Year! I hope 2018 is a wonderful year for you and Guido.
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Happy New Year to you. I look forward to your next art happening in 2018.
JP
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Wife of a straight couple I knew used to say “Harry, I don’t care where you get your appetite – just so you only dine at home!”
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Like Paul Newman used to say – why eat hamburger when you’ve got steak at home.
JP
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Objectification is the pinnacle of gay culture. Embrace it. Enact it. Embody it. Don’t touch it. Good boy. That’s a good boy.
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I’m loving your novel x
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You almost make it sound like “ongoing shallow objectification of men” is a bad thing.
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I’m glad we’re on the same page.
JP x
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I guess there are worse things to worry about in life…
JP
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Well, for the past two weeks it has been between -21 to -34 Celsius here and you are blogging about being on a beach watching attractive half dressed men. Seriously JP I swear you are trying to make me hate you!
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+18 or +20. I can highly recommend it x
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Tell Caleb that his fut]rry arms are welcome in Southern California, specifically San Diego, anytime. As is Miguel’s buttocks as well!
Happy New Year!
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I’ll pass that on. Did I mention he had a beard?
JP
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Love it! That is also the reason I don’t take my t shirt off on holidays lol. Happy New Year
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Happy New Year Steve. Long May Your Lum Reek!
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Haha thanks! Although that’s not very environmentally friendly. I assume you’ve not yet seen my latest post 😉
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As always I enjoy your posts. Next time: a few photos to support your words. thank you.
Happy New Year! May 2017 be a marvelous year for you!
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Happy New Year Dr S. I’m hoping 2018 will be!
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I’m trying to post on your blog but the comments aren’t showing?
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I don’t know how Europeans check melons for ripeness but around here we knock on the outside and listen for a hollow thump. That, or we smell the blossom ends.
If everybody wears fewer clothes at the beach then how were you dressed?
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Oh I was just letting it all hang out as usual.
JP
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I’m trying to post on your blog but the comments aren’t showing
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Reading this, I was imagining you sitting next to the painting of Vertumnus by Giuseppe Arcimboldo come to life. You know—pear for a nose, cabbage shoulders …
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I do yes! Good enough to eat.
JP
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Scoping out amazing looking people on vacation comes under the heading of recreation. It’s right there in the adverts, in between swim up bars and beach massages 🙂
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