Bad habits

Bad habits. I definitely know there are some of us who have more of them than others.

People (like me) have itsy bitsy tiny ones you’d barely even notice. They’re like a speck of moon dust up in the outer atmosphere of life. Then there’s other people (like Guido) who have great big ones the size of a space station orbiting earth. No matter how hard you try to ignore them they stubbornly refuse to burn up during re-entry.

There’s a hook on the back on our bathroom door and a steel ladder radiator for wet towels to dry out but Guido never hangs anything there. It must be one of the great mysteries of his life that after a soggy bath they miraculously pick themselves up and are back to hand the following morning to pat his face dry.

Need I mention underwear? Usually this blog will go into great, and I’ll admit gratuitous, description about how my husband and I peel our knickers off one another and then open a bottle of maple syrup just for the hell of it. But I can’t recall telling any of you how our boxer shorts eventually reach the Ali Baba laundry basket. Let me solve that one for you.

I put them in there.

It’s the same as when I replace the empty toilet roll holder, and close the dishwasher door.

Last night Ted and Gary and their super intelligent Jack Russell dog, called Brian, came over. Naturally I raised this in conversation with them.

“As far as I’m concerned the only person in our household with any bad habits,” said Gary, “is Brian.”

I looked at Brian and he looked at me. I could see this obviously came as a big surprise to him.

“He likes to chew a bone in our bed at the most inopportune of moments,” sniffed Ted.

Brian shook his head in complete disagreement but nobody seemed to notice. The whistle had been blown, as they say.

Later on our sofa (after I’d picked up the soggy towels, refilled the toilet holder and shut the dishwasher door) Guido and I sat on the sofa watching the sports channel. As usual, the remote control was strategically held between his legs in a vice like grip. I defy anyone to wrestle it free without the use of deep hypnosis or metal plyers.

“Can you believe Ted and Gary have no bad habits?” I said, “I mean, really!”

“None they were willing to tell you,” said Guido staring at the TV.

Poor Brian, I thought. I reckoned he was going to be far more careful where he chewed in future.

“At least you conceded I had none,” I said.

“Well, none I was willing to tell them,” said Guido. He had this annoying smirk on his face.

There was a long pause.

“I could have mentioned that you chatter on and on inanely for hours in bed after switching the lights out whilst I’m struggling to get some shut eye,” he said. “And you reveal intimate facts about our sex lives to persons unknown across the globe via your blog.”

There was another long pause.

I found myself thinking about the varied and diverse uses for maple syrup. Then I made a mental note.

I really must keep my mouth shut in bed.

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44 thoughts on “Bad habits

  1. So he’s been reading your blog at least 😀 My ex-husband used to leave things on the floor and expect them to walk themselves to the laundry bag so I sympathise with you on that one

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    • I hear you! It’s like they are on a different planet. Though… I suppose I DO have things to be thankful for, bad habits and all. Oh he doesn’t read it. I have a spy in the camp – Ted. He reads it and reports back.
      Good to hear from you Geetha – hope all is okay with you.
      JP

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  2. If Guido left wet towels lying about here…1-Buster would be lying in them. For some reason he likes wet towels, and 2- Guido would be tied to the bed tortured with maple syrup. But the second wouldn’t really stop the bad habit would it? Nevermind. Some things will never change dear. The Lad does the same. I have even cracked his bare ass with wet towels…still does it.

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  3. 😂 I can’t even begin with my hb’s flaws, I’d need a whole blog, I on the other hand can be just a tiny weeny bit OCD about everything, like I am trying really really hard not to make him remove all the decorations from the tree because he didn’t space out the fairy lights properly and it’s driving me nuts. And I have him try the tree in different places in differetn rooms but it always ends up in the same place in the same room 😄 Brussels sprouts with chilli and maple syrup. Now that I will have to try 😊👌🏻

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  4. I’ll admit I could do better with the cleaning around the apartment, but I’ll chalk it up to being a renter and having old stuff. I’m sure it would be a totally different story if I owned the place and had decent furniture. It’s that pride of ownership thing.

    And after watching that video, I could really go for maple syrup brussel sprouts.

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  5. Pretty sure Guido doesn’t mean for you to keep your mouth shut in bed 🙂

    Since everyone, Gary and Ted included, has bad habits it’s a question of which bad habits you can live with 🙂

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  6. I don’t have many bad habits per se. Do spend a bit too much time with computers and such but that’s my vocation.

    And speaking of Maple syrup – most of what you buy if Grade A but Grade B now known as something like Dark Amber is fantastic – it’s like candied Maple syrup.

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  7. Hi Jean Paul, Ted here, re. ‘Bad Habits’ Do we have any? Well none that I’m going to confess to here!! Brians habits can be a bit unsavoury, he likes to lay on the carpet in front of the fire and lick himself in delicate areas, he then looks up at us as if to say “I bet you wish you could do this”
    You didn’t mention Guidos bad habit of not putting his hose away after he’d finished with it??

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  8. Its sounds as if you and Brian could commiserate. It is a rare day that my underthings make it into the hamper, and my wet towel typically sits on the bed until it is nearly dry. I’m good for other things though. I’m no Guido, but I can cook. . . that is until Brian snatches the wooden spoon I am using out of my hand to wash it. . . 😉

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  9. Guess I am the one here who has to sit you down and explain how gourmet food suddenly shows up on the table.

    Seriously all this time I thought you were just joking about all the wild sex. Guido is the one who just spilled the beans!

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