Last night Guido and I were in bed. Three of us were under the sheets – me, Guido and a soggy four cheese pizza. Not that I was complaining.
“It was early morning in London,” I said, “and an unidentified woman had fallen asleep on an Underground train when suddenly, Bam! I’m not making this up. The traveller I’m telling you about actually dozed off on the Victoria line last Saturday whilst holding a pizza.”
Our conversations in bed are nothing if not highly relevant.
“And the pizza, which she appeared to have only eaten two slices of, had just slid from the box onto the floor.”
“Man, that’s so tragic, but tell me,” asked Guido somewhat irrelevantly, “was it a thin crust or deep-pan base?”
Unfortunately for the woman, the BBC reporter James Longman took a photograph of her and then posted it on Twitter. It was 8am at the time so either the woman was on her way home from a night out or she habitually eats pizza for breakfast. I’m not in any way being judgemental. The picture went viral.
“There’s something very voyeuristic about that photo,” I said.
I tried to visualise myself in her shoes, slumped unconscious in public, totally oblivious to all my surroundings. Actually, it wasn’t too difficult for me to imagine. But if anyone was going to Twitter me up on the Underground I’d want to know about it beforehand.
“Talking of voyeurism,” I said nibbling a corner, “I’ve discovered an Instagram site you’re going to love, it’s called Hot Dudes Reading.”
You won’t be surprised to discover the site delivers exactly what it promises on the tin. It features photographs of random but hot dudes, in public places, who just happen to be reading. That’s the sum total of the action. I’ve become quite obsessed with browsing through it and so have the other 900,000 followers who routinely view it. Whether these dudes know they’re being photographed or not is open to debate but the site has spawned a best selling book, also called Hot Dudes Reading. And now some of the pictures on the site feature hot dudes reading the book, Hot Dudes Reading, so go figure.
The words, hot, and, dude, are always guaranteed to prick Guido’s interest.
“How would you feel if a photograph of you were to go viral?” asked Guido.
I sat sucking some melted cheese.
“That completely depends on what the photograph captured me doing at the time,” I said wisely. “why, you got some ideas?”
Guido is always full of surprises.
“Well,” said Guido, “how about publishing some on the internet of you in bed in a variety of interesting poses wearing absolutely nothing except a slice of strategically placed pizza. I’m thinking – Hot Dude Naked With A Pizza In Bed.”
Going viral wasn’t my first thought. My immediate concerns were (and in no particular order) my stomach, dough consistency, and what would my mother say.
“Yeah,” said Guido nodding, “Cruella could be a major sticking point, especially if I had to explain to her that over a period of time I’d gotten you fat solely for the twisted gratification of persons unknown.”
Anyway, here’s the picture and I don’t mean me spread-eagle on our mattress smeared in a spicy topping.
Personally I’d much rather be a hot dude reading.
OF COURSE you and guido are in bed discussing pizza; so natural for you both.
spouse and I just had thin crust pepperoni pizza for dinner tonight.
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I know – it’s not like we’d do something completely crazy like eat pasta in bed.
JP
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I had a homemade french bread pizza, cheese and pepperoni tonight. I do like the idea of hot guy with pizza, just make sure it is cool – there are places you don’t want burns.
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Trust me, the only place pizza is going is in my mouth.
JP
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I’m on Instagram, so I will have to check it out. You will probably give me a new guilty pleasure of looking at it while eating a margarita pizza. I can only imagine your linens………
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Well I’d hate to add another pleasure you couldn’t cope with. Like that would ever happen.
Don’t worry we use serviettes.
JP
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Pizza UNDER the covers with you and Guido?! That does not sound hygenic.
On the other hand, the subway pizza is not making contact with the floor, so it should be fine. Pizza is a terrible thing to waste.
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Yeah they call it the three second rule over here. Though I think that one hit the deck for longer.
JP
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I feel sorry for that lady. She looks like she’s dressed as if she’s coming home from the night shift with a late dinner.
Strategically placed pizza slices for hot pics? Hmm… that sounds interesting.
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Let’s just say I’m not promising anything!
JP
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You are probably too young to remember, but in the seventies there was a lot of cheesy porn, but it was always good for a laugh. Young millenials miss out on so much, but hey they are late at the party so no point in complaining. Poor woman who must be traumatized now by this callous BBC reporter. In Canada he would be roundly condemned by all Feminist groups and hounded out of his job. Just this week we discovered to our dismay that England is horrible for women not much better than Saudi Arabia. I knew life was bad in England but wow! So the title of this 70’s movie was the Pizza boy delivers. After reading about you and food in bed, I have to be frank, I am not going to get in bed with you, no way, too messy. However if Guido ask, I can never refuse a Chef because of my family hotel background. Again I think that Guido’s suggestion for a instagram site is very clever, you would not have to appear in any naked with food photo, all you do is hire someone to pose for you, a body double. You can find candidates around Piccadilly circus or across the street from the Savoy.
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Makes mental note – surf for cheesy porn… Catch title. Never saw it – it must have gone straight to video? A body double is a terrific idea. Perhaps you could strip off and get Will to take a few pictures of you naked – email them over – then I could superimpose my head onto them?
JP
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Such a flatterer you are! LOL! What is your email address?
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Thank you! I needed the several guffaws I had reading this post.
Hard week. Stress over immigration. This was the perfect salve.
And yes, 4 cheese pizza rocks.
Blessings to you and Guido.
D
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Sorry to hear that. Glad this brightened your day.
JP
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I’m dashing right over to Instagram. Watching guys and reading…. two of my favorite activities.
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And now you can kill two birds with one stone!
JP
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Of course there’s a ‘Hot Dudes Reading.’
The interesting thing about voyeurism is that I am completely oblivious to it. I go through life as if no one is watching, but who knows? There could be pictures of me plastered around the internet doing god knows what. My husband on the other hand is convinced everyone is always watching. We often have to close the curtains when we’re sitting in the living room because he’s sure people can and will see in.
I’d better not tell him about this post. He’ll use it as validation and next thing I know we’ll be bricking up the windows. 😀
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Actually Gregory, you do look rather familiar!!!!!
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*Gasp!* Oh no. . . that’s why I had that funny feeling the other day on the bus!
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That’s what I was thinking.
JP
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LOL – I think your husband probably has the right idea. the problem with our loft is that the windows are exactly the same height as a London Double Decker Bus. It can make interesting viewing if our blinds aren’t pulled down. Just saying.
JP
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WOO HOO! I’d pay good money to see that, esp. if it involves mayo!
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Guido seems to have tremendous ideas too. Looking forward to the pizza calendars 😀
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Wwwaah! Can you imagine 12 months of it!
JP
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Am sure it would be very creative 😊
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I feel so sorry for her, she’d probably been working all night and maybe was even taking the pizza home for someone else too. Hb mad a pizza last night, somehow it ended up the shape of Texas and he said ‘well, this one’s not going on Instagram!’ 😊
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A Texas shape is good. I hope you got the wide end!
JP
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Unfortunately no, he’s vegetarian, I’m vegan, he had it all to himself!
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If you’re going to pose for those pizza in bed pictures, please make sure to make the crust gluten free so I can enjoy them, too.
*smirk*
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Your wish is my command!
JP
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I like the idea of Hot Guy With Pizza Crotch. Of course, I just like the idea of Hot Guy.
PS Thanks for sharing your story on my blog. i appreciate it. I think when we share those kinds of tales we all become a little closer.
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Sounds like a skin condition!
PS You guys will be just fine.
JP
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Hot Dude Naked With A Pizza In Bed.
I like this idea. You could make it into a series of books:
Hot Dude Naked With Nachos In Bed
Hot Dude Naked With A Baguette In Bed.
Hot Dude Naked With Cheesecake In Bed.
I feel the kitchen calling…..and Grindr…..
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I like your thinking. You forgot about the pasta chapter.
JP
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I love pizza but I don’t want to eat it in bed.
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It comes highly recommended from over here.
JP
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I feel for that poor woman. I am offended that people think its their right to take anyone’s picture just because they have a camera. I am not on Facebook or any of that garbage but am often startled by friends calling to say that they saw me on Facebook postings etc of total strangers. Can’t someone go to an event or dinner without some loser sticking a camera in their face!
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So do I. I felt a bit guilty reprinting it but it is everywhere. I don’t do any social media – blogging doesn’t count!
JP
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Photos for the new restaurant?????////
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It may put the diners off.
JP
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Oh that poor woman, and what a waste of a pizza!
Not sure about the hot dude in bed with a naked pizza, you could be hot in more way than one if that melted cheese gets too close to the essentials! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🤣
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Yeah – ouch!
JP
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BTW – I cant seem to post on your blog.
JP
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Oh no! I thought that all my website problems were sorted now. 😦
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Does make you think how many places you could place that pizza while being photographed. I think Guido is on to something.
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Answers on a postcard please…
JP
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I’m with one of your previous commenters…anything with a title that begins with “Hot Guy(s)” will most likely end up on my bookshelf, or in my Instagram feed…as Hot Guys Reading now has. Thank you for that, and for your blog. It never fails to entertain!
PS – Post the pizza picture. It’s not nice to pique a man’s curiosity and then not deliver. (See what I did there? 🙂 )
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I did see! I wish Id written it!
JP
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The first thought when I saw the lady/pizza pic posted was how I was going to look in my mug shot after I killed the person that took and posted it. Don’t you post your pizza pic without telling me first, I’ve got to create an Instagram account!
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You’ll be the first to know!
JP
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I’m surprised someone hasn’t suggested crowd funding to get her a new pizza (which obviously is a better representation of the goodness of humanity and makes more sense than just reaching over and catching the pizza before it falls). I worry about the world when not even pizza is safe 😦
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Yeah I know – it’s a jungle out there!
JP
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Pizza around here has gone the home made variety. A couple pounds of dough, into an oil drizzled pan and stretch away until it’s close to covering the whole grill pan. Then a layer of pizza sauce, and into a 400F oven for 10 minutes.
Out it comes, more sauce, then toppings, cheeses, spices etc. then back into the oven for 20 minutes. What comes out is fantastic. People rave about it.
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You have to stick to authentic. I tried a short cut with some pitta bread, tomatoes and some cheddar. It was absolutely inedible.
JP
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Of course – you gotta do it the right way. When we build our place I already specified that it must have a brick oven. One that I can get up to 700F or so. And while I’m an I.T. professional, I also love to cook. So there’s that too.
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Excellent!
JP
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