Hot dude with a pizza

Last night Guido and I were in bed. Three of us were under the sheets – me, Guido and a soggy four cheese pizza. Not that I was complaining.

“It was early morning in London,” I said, “and an unidentified woman had fallen asleep on an Underground train when suddenly, Bam! I’m not making this up. The traveller I’m telling you about actually dozed off on the Victoria line last Saturday whilst holding a pizza.”

Our conversations in bed are nothing if not highly relevant.

“And the pizza, which she appeared to have only eaten two slices of, had just slid from the box onto the floor.”

“Man, that’s so tragic, but tell me,” asked Guido somewhat irrelevantly, “was it a thin crust or deep-pan base?”

Unfortunately for the woman, the BBC reporter James Longman took a photograph of her and then posted it on Twitter. It was 8am at the time so either the woman was on her way home from a night out or she habitually eats pizza for breakfast. I’m not in any way being judgemental. The picture went viral.

“There’s something very voyeuristic about that photo,” I said.

I tried to visualise myself in her shoes, slumped unconscious in public, totally oblivious to all my surroundings. Actually, it wasn’t too difficult for me to imagine. But if anyone was going to Twitter me up on the Underground I’d want to know about it beforehand.

“Talking of voyeurism,” I said nibbling a corner, “I’ve discovered an Instagram site you’re going to love, it’s called Hot Dudes Reading.”

You won’t be surprised to discover the site delivers exactly what it promises on the tin. It features photographs of random but hot dudes, in public places, who just happen to be reading. That’s the sum total of the action. I’ve become quite obsessed with browsing through it and so have the other 900,000 followers who routinely view it. Whether these dudes know they’re being photographed or not is open to debate but the site has spawned a best selling book, also called Hot Dudes Reading. And now some of the pictures on the site feature hot dudes reading the book, Hot Dudes Reading, so go figure.

The words, hot, and, dude, are always guaranteed to prick Guido’s interest.

“How would you feel if a photograph of you were to go viral?” asked Guido.

I sat sucking some melted cheese.

“That completely depends on what the photograph captured me doing at the time,” I said wisely. “why, you got some ideas?”

Guido is always full of surprises.

“Well,” said Guido, “how about publishing some on the internet of you in bed in a variety of interesting poses wearing absolutely nothing except a slice of strategically placed pizza. I’m thinking – Hot Dude Naked With A Pizza In Bed.”

Going viral wasn’t my first thought. My immediate concerns were (and in no particular order) my stomach, dough consistency, and what would my mother say.

“Yeah,” said Guido nodding, “Cruella could be a major sticking point, especially if I had to explain to her that over a period of time I’d gotten you fat solely for the twisted gratification of persons unknown.”

Anyway, here’s the picture and I don’t mean me spread-eagle on our mattress smeared in a spicy topping.

Personally I’d much rather be a hot dude reading.

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52 thoughts on “Hot dude with a pizza

  1. I had a homemade french bread pizza, cheese and pepperoni tonight. I do like the idea of hot guy with pizza, just make sure it is cool – there are places you don’t want burns.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Pizza UNDER the covers with you and Guido?! That does not sound hygenic.

    On the other hand, the subway pizza is not making contact with the floor, so it should be fine. Pizza is a terrible thing to waste.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I feel sorry for that lady. She looks like she’s dressed as if she’s coming home from the night shift with a late dinner.

    Strategically placed pizza slices for hot pics? Hmm… that sounds interesting.

    Liked by 2 people

  4. You are probably too young to remember, but in the seventies there was a lot of cheesy porn, but it was always good for a laugh. Young millenials miss out on so much, but hey they are late at the party so no point in complaining. Poor woman who must be traumatized now by this callous BBC reporter. In Canada he would be roundly condemned by all Feminist groups and hounded out of his job. Just this week we discovered to our dismay that England is horrible for women not much better than Saudi Arabia. I knew life was bad in England but wow! So the title of this 70’s movie was the Pizza boy delivers. After reading about you and food in bed, I have to be frank, I am not going to get in bed with you, no way, too messy. However if Guido ask, I can never refuse a Chef because of my family hotel background. Again I think that Guido’s suggestion for a instagram site is very clever, you would not have to appear in any naked with food photo, all you do is hire someone to pose for you, a body double. You can find candidates around Piccadilly circus or across the street from the Savoy.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Makes mental note – surf for cheesy porn… Catch title. Never saw it – it must have gone straight to video? A body double is a terrific idea. Perhaps you could strip off and get Will to take a few pictures of you naked – email them over – then I could superimpose my head onto them?
      JP

      Like

  5. Thank you! I needed the several guffaws I had reading this post.
    Hard week. Stress over immigration. This was the perfect salve.

    And yes, 4 cheese pizza rocks.

    Blessings to you and Guido.

    D

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Of course there’s a ‘Hot Dudes Reading.’

    The interesting thing about voyeurism is that I am completely oblivious to it. I go through life as if no one is watching, but who knows? There could be pictures of me plastered around the internet doing god knows what. My husband on the other hand is convinced everyone is always watching. We often have to close the curtains when we’re sitting in the living room because he’s sure people can and will see in.

    I’d better not tell him about this post. He’ll use it as validation and next thing I know we’ll be bricking up the windows. 😀

    Liked by 2 people

  7. I feel so sorry for her, she’d probably been working all night and maybe was even taking the pizza home for someone else too. Hb mad a pizza last night, somehow it ended up the shape of Texas and he said ‘well, this one’s not going on Instagram!’ 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I like the idea of Hot Guy With Pizza Crotch. Of course, I just like the idea of Hot Guy.

    PS Thanks for sharing your story on my blog. i appreciate it. I think when we share those kinds of tales we all become a little closer.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Hot Dude Naked With A Pizza In Bed.

    I like this idea. You could make it into a series of books:
    Hot Dude Naked With Nachos In Bed
    Hot Dude Naked With A Baguette In Bed.
    Hot Dude Naked With Cheesecake In Bed.

    I feel the kitchen calling…..and Grindr…..

    Like

  10. I feel for that poor woman. I am offended that people think its their right to take anyone’s picture just because they have a camera. I am not on Facebook or any of that garbage but am often startled by friends calling to say that they saw me on Facebook postings etc of total strangers. Can’t someone go to an event or dinner without some loser sticking a camera in their face!

    Like

  11. Oh that poor woman, and what a waste of a pizza!
    Not sure about the hot dude in bed with a naked pizza, you could be hot in more way than one if that melted cheese gets too close to the essentials! 🔥🔥🔥🔥🤣

    Like

  12. I’m with one of your previous commenters…anything with a title that begins with “Hot Guy(s)” will most likely end up on my bookshelf, or in my Instagram feed…as Hot Guys Reading now has. Thank you for that, and for your blog. It never fails to entertain!

    PS – Post the pizza picture. It’s not nice to pique a man’s curiosity and then not deliver. (See what I did there? 🙂 )

    Like

  13. The first thought when I saw the lady/pizza pic posted was how I was going to look in my mug shot after I killed the person that took and posted it. Don’t you post your pizza pic without telling me first, I’ve got to create an Instagram account!

    Like

  14. I’m surprised someone hasn’t suggested crowd funding to get her a new pizza (which obviously is a better representation of the goodness of humanity and makes more sense than just reaching over and catching the pizza before it falls). I worry about the world when not even pizza is safe 😦

    Like

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