Just a second

I’m sorry to have to admit to this but at eleven thirty this morning Guido and I were still in bed with the duvet pulled up over our heads. The bedroom roller blind was pulled down. And when I say, the bedroom roller blind was pulled down, what I really mean is that it was hanging at the kind of precarious and twisted angle that only a drunk man like me could have possibly achieved. I vaguely remembered having an awfully involved argument with the cords attached to it seconds before I dived head first onto our bed. I also seem to recall a noisy bong! pow! zing! sound as I hit the mattress springs. I found that highly amusing at the time but at eleven thirty this morning I can guarantee you I wasn’t laughing. In fact I wasn’t doing anything much at all. It seemed like a gargantuan effort just to simply open one eye.

I knew I was still alive because I could feel a throbbing sensation (only not in a good way) across the bridge of my nose. I sat up and felt all over my head. Thankfully it was where I had left it the day before, i.e. still attached to my body.

“Oh God,” I croaked pathetically. “I’ve yet to meet anybody who’s ever jumped up out of bed in the morning after a night on the town who’s said – Gee I really wish I’d had another drink last night, wouldn’t that be a terrific idea.”

I closed my left eye again but even in the semi mid morning light I could tell Guido was worryingly upright in a perky sort of way. Let’s call it a sixth sense of mine. Fortunately I was relieved I couldn’t smell any trace of mayo.

“Did you know that tomorrow night,” Guido said, “the ten-second countdown to New Year 2017 is actually going take 11 seconds?”

“Do what?” I said blinking back into focus.

I’m sure you’ll agree this sounded like the start of a completely riveting conversation but if I’m honest all I was thinking about was when my husband might get up and cook me some breakfast. I thought tentatively about whether to have hot buttered wholemeal toast or a griddled muffin and if my eggs should be scrambled or fried over easy, just how I like them.

“A leap second is to be inserted into the world’s time standard and, technically,” he explained, “midnight tomorrow will actually happen twice.”

There was a long pause.

“Okay, decision made, I’ll have them scrambled on wholemeal,” I said decisively.

There was another long pause for obvious reasons.

“Leap seconds happen because the Earth’s turn is slowing.” Guido ploughed on regardless of my breakfast order. “Every year astronomers work out how much we have slowed and if necessary whether they need to insert one.”

So there you have it folks. Tomorrow when you’ re toasting in 2017 just think of me and Guido sitting here up in the loft at midnight London time with a bottle of Moet and Chandon and his stop watch.

If it’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that every second of this precious life of ours counts, even if it is only long enough to pop a cork. So wherever you are, remember to use yours wisely.

Have a Happy New Year everybody.


48 thoughts on “Just a second

  1. I tell you, the educational value of this blog is second to none. Fascinating stuff as ever – I suppose I’d better rework my countdown clock!

    A Happy New Year to you both. xx


  2. Great post, how true about the morning after. You could do the around the world new year celebrating starting with let’s say New Zealand all the way to LA, may need to stock up some more Moët Chandon and my suggestion add some Crème de cassis. Not sure when you adjust to real time but what a party that would be. See if Guido want to do 2017 Global celebrations. Ivan.


  3. let’s see, I have (gin and chambord) and (butterscotch schnapps and bailey’s irish cream) and (godiva white chocolate liqueur) – think that’s enough booze for tomorrow night? ;-b

    my little brother is slacking off today, I see. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all at the spanish onion!


  4. Haha I didn’t do much better this morning, in fact it was well after 1.30 pm before I was fit to face the world and I wish I could put it down to a hangover because at least then I would know that I had briefly enjoyed myself before facing the consequences, but my back is responsible for my tardiness having gven up the ghost on Christmas Eve and again on Wednesday morning. Sorry for the lack of breathing space in that previous ‘sentence’ but when you can barely sit let alone type you just have to get it down as fast as you can and hope it makes sense to someone. I hope you make the most of your extra second! 😊


  5. If you need more Chandon you can stop by my place. My doctors at work gave us more liquor this holiday, so I now have a giant bottle and two normal size bottles. I’m having a Chocolate cappuccino drink and my husband will probably stick with a rum and coke. Happy New Year to you and Guido!!


  6. London is six hours ahead of us in the American midwest, so we will just be eating dinner when you boys are popping your corks. Thanks for a year of wonderful, sexy stories. And, as the song says: “Let’s drink a cup of kindness, dear…” because our world sure as hell needs a lot of that!


  7. My two dearest boys, if there is two things I have learned from drinking, and trust me, I do, is from Auntie Mame. Never get up at a normal time. How can you see with all that light? And always have Ito send up a tray with a coffee and a side car. Happy New Year to you both!🎩💄💋🍸


  8. Definitely an occasion for serious thoughts and hopes and intentions, after the year we’ve had. The seriousness can be measured by the way you just passed over an astronomical double entendre……..


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