El café de cebolla espanola

I ask Guido all sorts of questions all of the time. They’re are not exactly difficult or complex so generally he doesn’t have to think too long or hard before he answers them.  These can range from what I would consider an important question like – Do you think Melania Trump knows how to boil an egg? To the insignificantsilly and bordering on downright trivial question like – Do you think I’ll get an extension approval to my credit card limit so we’ll be able to survive financially until the end of the month?  So as someone who’s normally doing the asking, I was naturally somewhat surprised to find myself on the receiving end of a question in bed last night.

“How would you feel about changing name?” Guido asked from the darkness of his side of the mattress.

I made an immediate attempt to categorize Guido’s statement into my own important, or, insignificant, silly and downright trivial range of questioning.  I lay there pondering.  (I decided this was a question I would provisionally categorize as downright trivial but, depending what happened following any further probing, I felt it had the potential to possibly be escalated to important).  I wasn’t sure where Guido was taking me.

A question about changing my name could be a precursor to a conversation about our impending marriage.  This was exciting. I tried to stay calm.  If Guido’s line of questioning did turn out to be about anything remotely marital I was already making a mental note to ask him a follow-up question of my own like – How would he feel about New England candle lanterns and white rose petals strewn on the guests tables? (This is a question I would categorize as HIGHLY important). I lay there thinking.  If agreeing to change my name would expedite a wedding then I’d be more than happy to drop the “Smith” and become “Vasquez”. That was a complete no brainer.  Vasquez sounds so much more sophisticated don’t you think? (This is a question I would currently categorize as insignificant).  I tried to play it completely cool.  I thought about how I would sign my name and whether I’d join up the e and the z and if I was called Jean-Paul Vasquez if it would mean I’d get a higher credit card limit on account of the fact that it sounded financially so much more sophisticated.

“Well,” I said casually, “I’ve never really thought about it that much,” lying through my teeth. “But, hey Guido, why do you ask?”

Guido turned the lamp back on.

“I think a Spanish name could lend a certain sophistication, don’t you think?” (This is a question I would categorize as spooky as I had already started to use the word sophisticated myself – though I do realise I’d just introduced a new category called, spooky).

“I think it would roll off the tongue,” I said, my mind unavoidably drawn to thoughts of  flickering scented candles and strewn petals.

“El café de cebolla espanola,” Guido said in full Andalusian mode,“Yeah, you’re so right, it does roll off the tongue.  The Spanish Onion Café really does sound kinda tired now.” He flicked the lamp back off. “Worth considering changing it – don’t you think?” (This is a question I would categorize as getting the wrong end of the stick and sits somewhere between highly irritating and frustrating depending on whether you are planning a wedding or not.)


31 thoughts on “El café de cebolla espanola

  1. “Do you think Melania Trump knows how to boil an egg?” – no, but I think she knows how to please an entire english football team! 😉

    “…surprised to find myself on the receiving end of a question in bed last night.” – I KNEW you would work “in bed” SOMEWHERE in your post!

    I DO like the spanish name change; but it is too long for people to remember?

    have a good weekend, dudes!


  2. This comedy of miscommunication is getting ridiculous. Is Guido aware that you are trying to marry him or are you hoping he’ll get the hint subliminally via longing gazes, passionate sex and subtle hints in the title of your blog?


    • Well the funny thing is I started 10 months ago because HE asked me. It could be that my longing gazes, passionate sex and subtle hints have been delaying things. Good thinking! No more of that.


  3. Favourite post so far- completely fell for it- potentially because I was dreaming about white rose petals and got distracted imagining what other wedding paraphernalia could be purchased with your higher credit limit achieved with such a sophisticated last name. Happy April Fools day to a fool in love? Or to the fool who won’t put a ring on it 😉 (I use the term affectionately promise!)


  4. I was waiting for the backfire to hit!!! I just thank goodness you didn’t bring up the white rose petals, lanterns and pink tuxedos! I hate to see where questions would have led. Meanwhile tell Guido I think the Spanish Onion still sounds charming. It’s a thing legends are made of. Like ” the famous Spanish Onion, a London staple for 85 years still manages to lure in the passerby for a seduction to the tongue.”


  5. Carlos and I discussed the name change thing when we got married, but with him being Hispanic, he has a first name, two middle names and three last names and by the time we tried all the combinations we were too tired to continue.


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