Things we think about in bed

What do you think about when you are laying in bed at night? That is a serious question I am asking any readers to consider, even if right at this very second they don’t happen to be between the sheets.  I ask because late last night both Guido and I were laying awake in bed and I was sure at least one of us must have been thinking of something pretty important. 

“When you lay awake in bed at night, what do you think about?” I asked Guido, as I lay there in the dark pondering the possibilities of how finger food might just work at our wedding.

“Oh all sorts of things,” said Guido with a big sigh. “Things that I’d like to give proper thought to but I never seem to be able to find the time to do it during the day,” he said. I was hoping he was seriously thinking about important topics like redecorating our bathroom yet funnily enough I wasn’t getting that particular vibe.

“Like what?” I said.  Guido paused only for a moment, then he reeled off ten things he thinks about in bed – boom boom boom just like that. You will see below what he thinks about has a bit of a food and drink theme going on. It must be the chef in him:-

1. Baking a decent focaccia 

2. Antonio Carluccio recipes

3. French Laundry menus

4. Scottish lobster claws

5. Does drinking Guinness in Dublin taste any better?

6. Stuffing olives

7. Hiking to Osteria Francescana in Modena

8.  Stir frying in Bangkok

9. Diving for clams

10. Tobogganing

For obvious reasons number ten on his list kind of threw me a bit.

“But enough about me, what do you think about?” Guido asked. You’ll see there was also a particular theme going on with me but I can assure you all of the things I think about in bed have been fully and vividly played out in my mind and not just once but completely successfully on several occasions:-

1. Strip searching Thierry Henry

2. Being smothered in peanut butter and then Zac Efron licking it all off

3. Wearing David Gandy’s white briefs

4. Going skinny dipping with that guy in the Davidoff commercial 

5. Re-enacting the shower scene from Beauty and the Beast

6. Playing strip poker with Bradley Cooper

7. Bears – the hairy human variety

8. Going commando with a commando

9. Macaroons

10. Guido and I having sex whilst he’s dressed as a matador

Strangely when I said the words, Zac and Efron, out loud last night at that exact moment I heard a car honk its horn twice in the street outside our window.  I think it was some sort of a sign, I just don’t know which kind.

“Goodness,” said Guido, “I never realised so much went on in this bed at night.”

I had to agree but let me tell you I was already excitedly viualising Guido in full costume and flashing his big cape. I am totally astonished either of us got to sleep.


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